Not A Hero: A Bad Boy Marine Romance Read online

  Second, she was still healing from everything she’d been through with Rusty, and worse, and not ready to jump into anything—strike two.

  Lastly, Miles was in a bad place, and she couldn’t even begin to fathom how to help him, nor was she sure she could even emotionally handle helping him through whatever he was experiencing. Swimming last night, she’d seen pain in his eyes and offered him one of the things that always soothed her, but she’d lost control too quickly. She’d promised her friends she wouldn’t Florence Nightingale him—strike three.

  He was off limits.

  No matter how amazing he’d looked with water droplets glistening on his pecs and biceps, or his hands holding her like she weighed the same as a feather. Yeah, no matter any of that.

  Zoe cleared her throat, trying to ignore the heat blooming in her abdomen as she thought of him. Off limits, she reminded herself.

  Pouring freshly brewed coffee into a ceramic mug a few minutes later, Zoe switched gears, and thought about her life now—marveling over the feeling of stability and happiness in her new home and job. A foreign concept for so many years until she’d met Walter Kydd, a man whose genuine spirit was infectious and had bettered her in a way she’d never thought possible. Every new day she felt pieces of her old life slipping away, disappearing under the dark night’s water like she’d hoped it would.

  Zoe grabbed a spoon and stirred some sugar into her coffee, then headed out the side door to drink it on the porch. Walter wouldn’t be up for another hour and the early morning breeze, combined with the smell of the lake, was one of her favorite ways to start her day.

  Crisp, yet warm, air hit her bare legs and arms immediately as she stepped onto the wooden deck. After the last few days and the perfect serenity of these quiet moments, she was sure the smile on her face was glued there for eternity. When she finished her cup, she moved inside and checked the clock— Walter should be awake any moment and her workday would start.

  An hour later, she’d helped Walter freshen up, get dressed, and then made him a simple, but filling breakfast of granola and yogurt. “Do you want any coffee?” she asked.

  Walter nodded. “Oh yeah, last night was a rough one.”

  “I heard you groaning a bit last night,” Zoe said as she handed him a fresh cup of coffee, then sat across the table from him. Concern swept through her as she tilted her head slightly.

  Walter waved his hand like it was no big deal. “Just a few aches and pains is all.”

  “Cancer will do that to you.”

  He studied her carefully for a minute, and she knew she was toeing a line by talking openly about his diagnosis. He may be sick, but he was strong and obstinate, and he didn’t like to discuss what was happening. “I’ll be okay, Zoe.”

  She didn’t say anything, finishing her second cup of coffee before she stood and walked over to a small counter on one side of the kitchen that had long since become the designated medical area of the house. She collected a few supplies and a large container of medications then headed back to the table.

  Walter winced, looking at the daily medication planner which had four slots per day, each filled with multiple different colored pills. “Can I try it with apple juice this time? The orange juice yesterday burned my throat.”

  “Of course. Let’s do blood pressure first.” She pulled out the cuff and straightened it.

  Walter knew the drill and slid up his shirtsleeve then pushed his arm through the cuff. She hooked a stethoscope to her ears and pressed the end down right below the inside of his elbow. As she squeezed the bulb to inflate the cuff, she closed her eyes and listened softly, then opened them to look over at the clock.

  Walter’s face twisted in discomfort as the cuff grew tighter, but Zoe finished as quickly as she could and removed the apparatus. She went back to the medical cabinet and put it away, then wrote his blood pressure down in his charts. She frowned, not letting Walter see her face, as her hand slid down the chart, clocking his worsening progression the last few weeks.

  “Walter, have you talked to Miles about your illness?” she asked as she walked past him to the fridge, locating a bottle of apple juice and pouring it in a glass.

  “It’s kind of hard to miss it.” Walter chuckled. “I have a live-in nurse after all.”

  Zoe smiled at him, handing him the glass and opening the medication planner slot for this morning. “I know, but I mean explain to him your progress, and what’s going to happen. Does he know what stage you’re in, or how long you have? Does he know you stopped treatment?”

  “No reason to bug him about something he can’t do anything to fix,” Walter replied, keeping his eyes on the table as he pushed his pills back and forth across its surface.

  “It’s not about fixing it,” she clarified. “It’s about giving him time to come to terms with it, allow him the time to process what’s happening.”

  Walter swallowed his first few pills, a sadness pulling at his features. “I can’t tell him this is hospice yet, Zoe. Soon, but not yet.”

  “Can I ask why?” she pried a little further, grateful to have built the kind of rapport with her patient where she could push him on serious topics like this.

  “He’s been through so much, and he needs to heal. He needs hope.” His last sentence was strained, his voice tight and heavy with emotion. “He doesn’t need another loss.”

  Zoe reached across the table and placed her hand on his forearm, but didn’t say anything, wanting to give him the space to keep talking.

  “I’m not afraid to die, Zoe. I’m afraid of what I will leave behind,” he continued. “Who I will leave behind.”

  “Miles will be okay eventually. You raised a strong man.”

  “That’s his mother in him. She might not have been here, but her love raised him as much as I ever did. It’s one of the main reasons why I’m not afraid to die,” he said, his smile turning misty. “I’ve been waiting twenty-six years to see my wife again. She was a lot like you, you know.”

  Zoe raised her brows. “Me?”

  Walter nodded. “She was kind and determined, like you. Resilient and nurturing, just like you. Also, stubborn as a mule, but I loved it. I still love her with everything I am. When I die, I’ll be with her and there’s nothing scary about that.”

  Zoe leaned back in her chair and let her hands fall to her lap, enjoying listening to a love story she could only dream of having herself one day.

  “Everybody in town still talks about Violet,” said a deep voice behind them. “Sometimes I feel like I knew her from how much I’ve heard about her.”

  Both Walter and Zoe turned around. Tobin stood in the kitchen doorway, leaning against the frame.

  “Tobin?” Zoe asked, surprise in her voice.

  She recognized his face from high school immediately, but the rest of him was completely different. The U.S. Marines had certainly had an effect on him—thick broad shoulders that barely fit under his red tee shirt, or the strong stance with which he stood. Either way, the punk rock kid from high school who was pale and gangly, and obsessed with leather, was definitely a thing of the past.

  “Tobin!” Walter didn’t try to stand, but opened his arms wide in welcome.

  “Uncle Walter!” Tobin embraced him tightly. “Sorry it’s taken me so long to come by.”

  “It’s so good to see you,” Walter said. “I’ve been asking Miles to bring you by. What are you doing here?”

  Zoe didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt the sweet reunion.

  “Sorry for interrupting your breakfast, Uncle Walter,” Tobin said, clapping Walter on the back. “I’m picking up Miles. We’re going to do some fishing today.”

  “The fish are definitely biting out there!” Walter motioned out in the direction of the lake. “Zoe, have you met Tobin? He and Miles have been best friends their whole lives it seems.”

  Zoe nodded, keeping a polite smile on her face. “We went to high school together, but I don’t think we ever talked much. Good to see you,
Tobin.”

  “You went to my high school?” Tobin’s face said he definitely didn’t remember her, which was slightly annoying. “Small world.”

  Tobin extended his hand, and Zoe shook it. “I was pretty shy back then, plus two years behind you.”

  “And now?” A mischievous grin slid onto Tobin’s face as he raked his eyes over her body suggestively. “Still shy?”

  Zoe narrowed her eyes, trying to decide how to respond to his blatant flirting.

  “Ignore him, honey.” A gorgeous woman in a zebra-striped top and black leggings stepped into the kitchen behind Tobin and swung her arms around his neck. Her vibrant makeup and shiny crimson fingernails didn't exactly look like she planned to go fishing for fish. “Tobin is a shameless flirt, but he is spoken for.” One of her hands disappeared down his back and Tobin jumped forward, a small yelping sound coming from his mouth as if she’d just pinched his ass. “Right, baby?” Her gaze flashed a feral challenge in Zoe’s direction.

  Tobin chuckled and draped his arm across her shoulder. “Right, baby. Guys, this is Bianca. She works down at the tavern.”

  Bianca tipped the top half of her body away from him, one hand on her hip as she looked at him with one brow raised. “He forgot to add I’m also his girlfriend.”

  The mischievous look returned to Tobin’s face. “Yeah, sure, we’ve been, uh, dating.”

  Bianca’s eyes flamed as she huffed. “We’ll discuss that later.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping for,” Tobin said with a laugh, before glancing back at Zoe. “She’s a firecracker when she’s angry.”

  Zoe blinked, both confused and nauseated by the show these two had put on.

  Walter laughed, and shook Bianca’s hand. “It’s great to meet you, Bianca. I’m Walter, Miles’s dad. Tobin’s a good kid.”

  “That’s what I’m discovering!” Bianca beamed, shaking Walter’s hand with both of hers. “Nice to meet you, Walter.”

  “And I’m Zoe.” Zoe put her hand out to Bianca as well. “Tobin and I went to high school together.”

  “Aw, yay!” Bianca squeaked out, her tone changing a bit from how she’d greeted Walter. “What are you doing here?”

  Zoe cleared her throat, quickly deducing Bianca was a territorial woman. “Uh, I work here.”

  “Zoe’s my nurse, Bianca,” Walter explained. “She helps me out since I’m not doing too well lately.”

  Bianca frowned, then rushed in to hug Walter. “I’m so sorry. Anything you need, you let me know.”

  “I will,” Walter assured her, and Zoe found herself hoping he never actually took her up on that offer. She kept a polite smile plastered to her face anyway.

  “All right, so where are these fish?” Bianca turned to Tobin. “And how do we catch them?”

  “I’ll show you in a minute, baby.” Tobin kissed her temple, his hand disappearing down her back in a way that made Zoe immediately avert her gaze. “Go on out to the porch while I go find Miles.”

  “Okay, baby,” she practically sang before devouring his mouth in front of them. Zoe wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get the wet, sucking sound of their tongues out of her head, and her stomach threatened to revolt.

  The moment Bianca was outside, Walter eyed Tobin. “Miles didn’t mention you bringing a girl fishing. That boat is kind of small.”

  “Yeah.” Tobin sighed. “He’s going to be pissed, but what can you do? Women.”

  12

  “I thought we’d catch at least one,” Bianca said in a huff, stomping into the kitchen and plopping down in a chair next to Zoe’s at the kitchen table. “Zoe, these boys had me sitting out there on a freaking boat for eight hours, and nothing. Nothing!”

  “Oh,” Zoe said, flustered at the sudden interruption. Walter had already gone to bed, having not felt very well today, and she’d been using the free time to catch up on some reading. “I’m sorry?”

  “Hey, that’s fishing, baby,” Tobin said, following her inside but going straight for the fridge. “Some days they are biting; some days they aren’t.”

  Miles was the last inside, his expression cloudy. “The fish would have been biting if you hadn’t spent the entire time scaring them away.”

  “Me?” Bianca gasped, her hand on her chest and her expression full of dramatic surprise. “I was quiet as a mouse.”

  Tobin laughed, his head in the fridge.

  “I was!” she insisted again.

  Miles grumbled something under his breath before joining Tobin at the fridge. “Anything good in there?”

  “Yeah, but all stuff you gotta make. It’s like a farmer’s market exploded in here,” Tobin complained. “Let’s go out.”

  “Yes!” Bianca started clapping excitedly. “Let’s all go out! We can double date—you in, Zoe?”

  “Huh?” Zoe looked up from her book again, having been trying to stay out of the mix. “What?”

  Miles seemed just as surprised. “Um…”

  “Come on, please, please, please!” Bianca scooted her chair closer to Zoe and wrapped her arms around her shoulders as if they were the oldest friends in the world. “I just spent eight hours in a boat with these two. Have mercy and give me some girl time.”

  Zoe laughed at that image, putting a bookmark in the spot she was reading and closing her book. “I can’t imagine the horror.”

  Bianca shuddered and groaned. “It was my own personal Vietnam.”

  Tobin scoffed now. “Jeez, babe. Thanks.”

  “Love you though, baby.” Bianca winked and blew him kisses with her hand at her lips. “But, please, please, can we go out? All four of us, please!”

  “I am hungry,” Tobin said, staring at Miles with one brow raised. “You in for a double date, Kydd?”

  Miles shrugged. “I could eat.”

  “Oh, wow,” Zoe replied, standing and pushing her chair back into the table. “Just what every girl loves to hear before a date.”

  “Even I knew that,” Tobin chimed in, punching his friend in the arm.

  “Miles, you ask her nicely right this instant.” Bianca was on her feet, wagging an index finger in his face. “Go!”

  Miles laughed and put his hands up in defense. “All right, all right!”

  Zoe fidgeted with her fingers, unsure of what to do while being put on the spot like this.

  Miles closed the distance between them, dropping down on one knee in front of her, and her mouth fell open.

  Bianca squealed in the background and clapped her hands.

  “Zoe, would you go out to dinner with us?” Miles asked, his face split wide in a mischievous grin.

  Zoe wrapped her arms around her waist, shrugging nonchalantly like she wasn’t doing somersaults inside. “I could eat.”

  Both Miles and Tobin burst out laughing, and Miles got back to his feet. “My kind of woman.”

  Bianca headed for the door, Tobin in tow. “Come on, let’s go!”

  Miles extended his hand to help her stand. “Ready, date?”

  “This is not a date,” Zoe clarified, her index finger pointed. “Just dinner with old friends. Plus, I need to go check on your father first.”

  He flashed her a smile, unperturbed. “Whatever you say, cricket.”

  Dammit, this is definitely a date, Zoe thought as she sat on one side of the restaurant booth, Miles next to her.

  Tobin and Bianca were across from them on the other side of the table currently halfway through foreplay, with the main event starting any moment.

  Zoe leaned toward Miles, whispering, “This is really awkward.”

  “Usually you have to pay to watch this kind of show,” Miles whispered back. “Want to go to the bar? I bet they won’t even notice.”

  Zoe nodded. “God, yes.”

  Miles chuckled, sliding out of the booth, then turning to offer her his hand. She scooted out after him, accepting his help. They had already eaten their fill of endless breadsticks and pasta dishes, but Bianca had unfortunately ordered dessert, delaying the meal even lo
nger. Luckily, the Italian restaurant had a bar in the other room with only a few patrons at it.

  Zoe picked her stool, and Miles slid onto the one next to her, ordering them two glasses of red wine from the bartender. She placed her phone face up on the bar’s surface, double checking there was no call from the house. Walter was fine at night alone, and he had a rotating nurse who helped him on weekends, but she never liked to be out of reach.

  “So,” Zoe started, glancing sideways at him. “The food was good.”

  Miles rotated his stool to face her, leaning one elbow on the bar. “Small talk? Really?”

  She shrugged, heat rushing to her cheeks. “Isn’t that what people do on dates?”

  “I thought this wasn’t a date.” Miles’s lips twitched, amusement in his expression.

  “It’s not,” she replied quickly, facing her stool toward him as well. Their knees banged together, and she mentally groaned at how awkward she felt.

  “Good,” Miles said.

  Zoe’s brow immediately furrowed. “Good? Why good?”

  He shrugged his shoulders as if it was a no-brainer, and a flash of irritation slid through her. “Because you shouldn’t date me.”

  “I could date you if I wanted to,” she huffed, not sure what she was even arguing for since they were in agreement.

  “Maybe,” he agreed. “But you shouldn’t want to.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing I don’t want to then,” Zoe replied.

  “Exactly.” His brows raised and the corners of his lips twitched. “Good.”

  She fumed at the word good, and honestly, she had no idea why. They were on the same page, and had verbally agreed. But…did she actually?

  Miles picked up the two glasses of wine the bartender deposited and handed her one. “Cheers to our first non-date.”